Between Holidays -- January 1994
     Here we are, stuck right smack in the middle of that time of year when
nothing is going on.  Between New Year's Day and Easter, there really isn't
anything on the calendar to keep us amused.  The youngsters (and teachers)
find that school seems to go on forever, unlike the period in the fall when
each month was garnished with at least one two-day holiday.
     There is, of course, Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, Presidents' Day,
and St. Patrick's Day.  These are all fairly minor holidays which no one
really looks forward to.  When was the last time you exchanged gifts on
Groundhog day, or decorated the Groundhog tree, or carved the Groundhog-O-
Lantern?  It just doesn't have the same thrill that comes with the autumn
holidays.
     Even Valentine's Day cannot compare with the coziness and hominess
that is associated with the holidays of autumn.  In fact, Valentine's Day is
probably my least favorite holiday.  It had to be the brain child of a cartel
of florists and candy-makers.   It's not exactly a time known for family
togetherness, with mom, dad, and kids gathered around the table while
grandpa carves the Valentine's Day turkey!
     Presidents' Day is basically celebrated for historic reasons.  Some
schools get out on this Monday holiday, but mainly it's just one of those
nuisance days when everybody has to work, but there's no mail delivery --
and forget about doing any banking!
     St. Patrick's Day, like Valentine's Day and Groundhog Day, is not really
a holiday.  Nobody gets off work.  But I do feel a little better about St.
Patrick's Day.  It's closer to spring; people seem a little happier because
of it; and I do enjoy those mint green shakes that are usually offered by
the local fast-food restaurant.  It is a harbinger of springtime, and a clue
that spring break is not too far off.
     So sit back and relax; watch a good movie, and forget the fact that
there are "only" 53 more days until spring begins!  Next week is Groundhog
Day; maybe you should start thinking about decorating!

Siblings -- January 1994
     Any parent who has more than one child has certainly experienced the
phenomenon of sibling rivalry.  My wife and I were introduced to it seven
years ago, when our son, Aaron, who was almost two, looked at his sister,
Shana, who had been with us only about a month, and asked, "Mommy, when
is she going to go home?"
     I am an old hand at sibling rivalry.  I am one of a brood of five boys and
one girl.  It should be clear that our sister really got it from all
directions!
     As a group, most of us tended to get along well, most of the time, (and
if you believe that, I have this parcel of prime swamp land...).  The six of
us tended to divide ourselves along natural age boundaries.  The two older
brothers, of which I was the eldest, tended to play together at the
exclusion of the four younger siblings.
     Don't get me wrong, we two "upperclassmen" didn't always get along so
well with each other.  But, being close to the same age, we did tend to
have more in common.
     The youngest two of the brood were also boys.  They got along better
with each other than the rest of us.  Although they, too, had their spats,
they were closer in age than any two of the others, so they were quite
close to each other.
     Now for the middle pair.  You guessed it; this is where our sister fits
in.  There was a brother and a sister, who, didn't have a lot in common.  I
think it was actually harder on the middle brother than it was on the
sister, however.  He always tried to fit in with both the older pair of
brothers and the younger pair;  he was snubbed by both groups.
     In a normal family pecking order, the oldest rules the roost, followed
by the others in order of their age.  In our family, however, made up of its
three "cliques" of siblings, the middle siblings got the worst of it.
     Our sister was teased mercilessly, especially from the older crowd,
but she got it from both ends.  Our middle brother was harassed by all as
well, especially by the younger pair.
     If you come from a large family, you may remember your own moments
of sibling rivalry.  The rivalry between brothers and sisters is typically
not malignant.  It tends to improve over time, not worsen.  It is a natural
consequence of sharing the same household and wanting the same things.
It is more a characteristic of similarities between family members than
of differences.
     As the children of a family mature and build families of their own, the
old rivalries are replaced by mature friendships.  Differences may remain,
but, hopefully, they are dealt with on a mature level and do not interfere
with a loving family relationship.
     My two children seem to argue or fight continually.  But that's only
because when they play well together, we don't notice them, because they
don't make as much noise.  It is also encouraging to note that our son
thinks he is the only one who is allowed to tease or hit his little sister.
Let someone from outside the family try it, and he'll defend her with all
his might.
     That may be the first sign of an older brother who will one day look
back and feel sorry for the way he treated his younger siblings; and a sign
of those younger siblings thinking, "hey, really...'twas nothing!"

Valnetine's Day -- February 1994
     Valentine's Day is upon us again; it's less than a week away.  And, as
usual, my adoring wife is expecting me to buy her a present.  I know this
because she bluntly told me she expects one.
     So why should this year be any different than any other?  My wife is a
die-hard romantic.  Romance, love, affection, and emotion are very
important to her.  She measures her self worth by the quantity of these
intangibles she receives.  Of course, as a symbol of the intangibles, she
does expect to receive something quite tangible!
     Myself, I'm not a romantic at all.  I have feelings and emotions, too, but
they are basically under my control as opposed to the other way around.
My wife prefers tear-jerker movies and romantic novels.  I, on the other
hand, prefer a good side-splitting comedy or an adventure movie.  And I
like to curl up with a good book about quantum chromodynamics or plate
tectonics.
     If my wife never bought me a Valentine present or gave me a card, I
wouldn't mind at all; I may not even notice.  On the other hand, if I were to
forgo buying her a token of may affection, she would take it very
personally and point out how all her friends' husbands bought their wives
nice gifts.
     I learned not to buy her a card.  One time, I got her this really neat card
that said on the outside "You raise intense stirrings deep inside of me,"
and on the inside it said, "of course, it could just be gas."  I was quite
amused; she wasn't!
     We even differ on our expectations of what each other should say with
regards to love or affection.  I judge a person's love by their actions; she
judges a person's love by how many times they tell her they love her.  I
would prefer not to talk of such stuff, myself.
     But, after 16 (or is it 17) years of marriage, we both have learned what
to expect from the other.  So, I'll buy her some flowers or a box of candy,
and she'll respond by respecting my desire not to be hugged and kissed on
too much, and we'll call it another Valentine's Day completed.

Drivers -- February 1994
     If you are a driver, you know that certain things other drivers do can
really annoy you, right?  Almost all drivers think that they and they alone
are worthy of driving the nation's highways!  Take me for instance; I truly
wish they would build a freeway system for me to use all by myself!
     Anyway, back to reality.  One on-the-road annoyance for me is having
to drive through a pack (or should I say convoy) of semi trucks.  Some
states don't allow 18-wheelers to drive on selected controlled-access
highways.  Now there's a great idea.
     Sometimes, what can be a simple annoyance can actually be quite
dangerous.  One morning this week, for example, I was driving to work and
witnessed an incident that could have easily turned into a major traffic
accident.
     The driver who was about 1000 feet in front of me slammed on his
brakes in response to a slow-moving car that was in front of him.  He
couldn't pass, because another car was in the left lane at his side.  He
must have miss-judged just how slowly the driver in front of him was
going because he went into a skid that resulted in a fish-tail wavering
motion.  As soon as the car to his left had moved ahead, he darted into the
left lane and accelerated in a manner that was designed to show the slow-
moving driver that he was not at all pleased.
     The slower driver evidently did not get the message, because when I
approached to pass him, he was still only going about 30 miles per hour,
tops.
     This slow-driving behavior has to be one of the rudest and most
annoying behaviors that a driver can exhibit.  Not only is it annoying, but it
can be quite dangerous.  It is my belief that a driver that is driving too
slowly is every bit as dangerous as a speeder, maybe more so.
     It is even more disturbing when you get behind one of these slow pokes
when there is no possibility of passing, such as on a two-lane road that is
very busy.  Traffic can back up for miles behind a slothful driver who
seems to take no notice of the discomfort he is dishing out to others.
     I am sometimes tempted to write a sign and have it ready in my car
just for the occasion when I get behind one of these sluggish creatures of
the road.  It would say, "SPEED UP TO A CRAWL, OR GET OFF THE HIGHWAY!"
     For the benefit of some of my readers who may recognize themselves
as an offender (although I would doubt that any of you are -- anyone who
can't read a speed limit sign probably can't read a newspaper column!), let
me just remind you of what a good driving speed would be in a variety of
circumstances:
    On an interstate highway, such as I-65, keep the needle between 61 and,
well, let's just say 65.  On U.S. 31, or similar roads, go no slower than 50.
On two-lane highways, 50 to 55 would be appropriate.  On streets in town,
the recommended speed is 30 in most cases, not 10!
     Although it is a fact that speeding contributes to accidents, it is also a
fact that many accidents occur due to the difference in driving speeds
among all the drivers on the highway.  Rather than having a speed limit of
65, I believe a better alternative would be to force all drivers to drive
between 60 and 70 miles per hour -- and enforce it!  Traffic that is
moving along at a constant speed is much safer than traffic that must
keep a constant vigil for drivers with a light foot.  Unless of course
everyone would like to pitch in and build me my own highway system!

Time -- February 1994
     "It's been a long day."  Everyone has heard that expression before,
perhaps even used it.  But what does it mean?  Everyone knows that a day
is always 24 hours long.
     The expression is meant to convey someone's perception of the passage
of time.  The old adage, "A watched pot never boils," is another example of
how we perceive time.  Again, everyone knows that a pot of water that is
not being watched will take just as long to boil, assuming it has the same
quantity of water in it.
     Standing around watching a pot of water heat up is a very mundane and
boring task.  Time seems to progress dreadfully slowly if it is not filled
with some kind of activity.  If you were to go balance your bank statement
while the water was heating up, you might perceive that the water started
to boil too soon -- before you had finished your activity.
     Time perception applies not only to pots of water, but to life in
general.  How many times have you heard someone say that the older they
get, the quicker time passes?  I have a theory about that -- not a
scientific theory, just a notion.  It is based on 20-year periods of time,
and it goes like this:
     The first 20 years of your life seems like 20 years.  It is the base
period by which everyone judges the rest of the time periods of their
lives.  The next 20 years, between the ages of 20 and 40, seem like only
10 years, or half the original period.  The third 20 years, between the ages
of 40 and 60, seem like only 5 years based on the first 20-year period.
The period of time between 60 and 80 seems like only 2.5 years.  Using
this formula, middle age is reached at age 20.  We should be able to retire
at 35 and draw social security or retirement benefits the rest of our
lives.  Wouldn't Uncle Sam love that?
     But anyway, the notion of time is intriguing, as well as enigmatic.  It
flows at a constant rate, yet its perception varies based upon how it is
filled with activity.  The more activity one does during a certain length of
time, the shorter that length of time is perceived to be.  Yet, after the
time period is over, and one has an opportunity to reflect on what he has
accomplished during the period, it is perceived to have taken quite a long
time.
     For example, a busy day at work seems to go rather quickly.  But once
you've had five very busy days in a row, come Friday night you look back
and say, "Boy, that sure was a long week!"
     Time also has the characteristic of being able to "flow" only in one
direction.  It is called the arrow of time, and it always points into the
future.  A paradox develops if one tries to go the other way.
     For example, suppose there was a very unhappy man who possessed a
time machine.  He didn't want to continue living, but he didn't want to
commit suicide either.  Instead, he decides to go back in time and prevent
his father and mother from getting married and having a child.  He,
therefore, would prevent his own birth.  Yet, if he had never been born,
how could he go back in time to prevent his parents' marriage?  With no
one to prevent their marriage, the man is born and is, therefore, again able
to go back in time!  It's a vicious circle with no resolution.  Time must
always flow in one direction.
     It's just as well.  Things are hectic enough with people traveling
through time in only one direction.  It would really be chaotic if we had to
take care of tomorrow's business before yesterday was over!

Nashville, TN -- March 1994
     As I write this week's column, I am preparing to go on a short vacation
to Nashville, Tennessee.  I have been there on a number of occasions, but
the Nashville trip that has the most meaning to me was my first visit
there.
     The reason my dad and I went to Nashville one summer back in the
1960's was because of a guitar.  I will elaborate:
     Dad was a Bluegrass musician.  For a period of time in the 1960's he
and his band, the Kentucky Ramblers, was the staff band at Bill Monroe's
Brown County Jamboree in Bean Blossom, Indiana.  He played there every
weekend.
     During this time, he became acquainted with a good many Country and
Bluegrass stars from Nashville, Tennessee.  Some, in fact most, he liked.
Most performers were friendly, down-home folks, and were very
trustworthy.  A few were not, as he was to find out.
     One week, while he was playing at Bean Blossom, a group from
Nashville was the headline act.  As always, after his show, he left his
guitar backstage in a room where bands could warm up before their show.
     The guitar was an old one.  It was a D-28 Martin flat-top acoustic.  He
had owned it for years, and it was not new when he bought it.  He claimed
that guitars have better quality sound if they are old.  The sound tends to
be more mellow.  This guitar was his pride and joy.
     That night, when he was packing up to leave, he discovered that his
guitar was missing.  No one had been in the backstage area except the
musicians.  He reasoned that it must have been taken by the Nashville
performers.
     Although he searched for leads everywhere he could -- he even went to
Indianapolis and searched the pawn shops there -- he had no luck.  So, in
desperation, he decided to try the pawn shops in Nashville.  I got to go
with him.
     Back then, Nashville had no high-rise buildings -- at least nothing over
about 12 stories.  Broadway was the main drag.  Not only were many pawn
shops located there, and Dad searched them all, but the Earnest Tubb
Record Shop, and Roy Acuff's Museum was also there.
     I remember visiting both these establishments.  Around the corner was
the Ryman Auditorium where the Grand Ole Opry was performed each week.
It now performs at the new Opry House in Opryland theme park.
     We stayed at the Andrew Jackson Hotel, on the 11th floor.  There was a
record company convention in town that week.  Dad and I were invited by
one of the recording stars (I don't remember which one) to have breakfast
at their banquet.
     Although Nashville was not a huge city, one thing that I remember
clearly about the visit, even though I was not yet a teenager, is that we
had the toughest time finding a parking spot.  I guess some things never
change!
     It was a good trip.  We both had fun, met some famous people, and even
eventually found a parking space.  What we didn't find, however, was Dad's
guitar.

Cops on Council Top 10 -- March 1994
     There has been much discussion lately about police officers running
for, or serving on, the Edinburgh Town Council.  This newspaper and others
have run editorials and news stories about the controversy.
     There are many citizens of Edinburgh, especially deputy marshals and
their relatives, who don't see anything wrong with a police officer serving
on a town council.  They have every right to that opinion.  In fact, although
I believe an inherent conflict of interest would result, I will admit that an
all-police town council could work.
     And so, borrowing again a device used by a popular late-night talk show
host, I now present my top ten reasons why an all-police town council
could work:
     Reason number 10 -- They could hire 11 new officers; then they would
have enough players for an Edinburgh all-police football game.
     Reason number 9 -- A different police car for each day of the week!
     Reason number 8 -- They could close the police station on weekends
and holidays.
     Reason number 7 -- We could change our official name to "The People's
Republic of Edinburgh," to be more in line with other police states.
     Reason number 6 -- To keep the department fresh, we could have a new
police chief each week.
     Reason number 5 -- Tax levy?  What tax levy?
     Reason number 4 -- They could save on cleaning bills by purchasing
new uniforms every month.
     Reason number 3 -- Badges?  We don't need no stinking badges!
     Reason number 2 -- Edinburgh could attract a much-needed Dunkin'
Donuts franchise.
     And the number 1 reason why an all-police town council could work:
Take-home police cars for everybody!

Change -- April 1994
     There are people who believe that all change is inherently bad.   Some
believe that change purely for the sake of change is bad, but they will
accept change if they feel it is needed.  So they view change as a
necessary evil.  Still others think change is usually desirable, even if not
absolutely necessary.
     The other day, I met a gentleman who happened to mention to me that
Edinburgh, as a town, is going down hill.  He said "It's not the way it used
to be."  I agreed with him that things have changed over the years, but he
insisted that the changes were all fairly negative.
     As an example, he alluded to the renovated streets and sidewalks
downtown.  He asked, "Why do we need those things to be like that?"  I
started listing some positive things about the remodeled downtown:  It
preserves our link to the past; it probably enhances the value of the
downtown buildings; it created additional parking spaces; and it's nice to
look at.  He replied, "Okay, I just wanted to know."  Perhaps he was just
making idle conversation and didn't really want me to answer, but I felt
obliged to anyway.
     Obviously, the example above provides evidence for my earlier
assertion that some people don't like any change.  They view change as
negative.  They measure the value of things according to standards of the
past.
     Naturally, if you use relic standards to measure modern events or
ideas, there is going to be some disappointment.  People who continually
make comparisons to a past they hold dear are always going to find fault
with change.  And, since it is a given that there will always be change, it
follows that these people tend to become more unhappy as time passes.
     Personally, I tend to support change whenever it presents itself as a
possibility.  I like change, for the most part, (especially the kind that's in
my pocket; but I digress).  Obviously, all change is not going to be positive,
but if change is meant as an improvement, it can't be all bad.
      Actually, sometimes I like to change merely for the sake of changing.
The old adage goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."  But, sometimes, I just
like a difference, as long as the difference is at least as good as what I
had before.
     Our American currency is an example of something that is long overdue
for a change.  There are some legitimate reasons why changing the
appearance of our currency would be positive. For example, changing the
color of bills so that each denomination has a separate color would make
it easier to sort.  But mainly, I would like to see the design and color of it
changed for no other reason than because the present design has been
around way too long.
     People who realize that change is going to take place, and learn to
adapt well to those changes, are the ones who probably experience less
stress in their lives.  Of course, people who like to make changes too often
sometimes find themselves in search of a stable rock to cling to.  They
may even find it difficult to concentrate on any one particular task.  So,
let's see...what was my point again?

Daylight Time -- April 1994
     What is Daylight Saving Time anyway?  Does it mean that we place a
few minutes of daylight in savings at a "time bank" to be use in case of a
total eclipse?
     Obviously, the length of daylight is the same whether we switch to
Daylight Saving Time or not.  The difference is, with Standard Time, it
gets light earlier in the morning, and with Daylight Time, it stays light
later in the evening.
     In our society, more people are active in the evening than early in the
morning.  So, in order to extend their summertime outdoor leisure
activities, Daylight Saving Time was invented.  As for me, most of my
summertime leisure activities are performed in a lounge chair in front of
a TV, or at my desk in front of my computer.  So I don't really care what
time it gets dark.
     But, if 47 out of the 50 states have determined that Daylight Saving
Time is a good idea, then, for the sake of consistency, maybe Indiana
should go along with it.  The Indiana Chamber of Commerce has come up
with several good reasons why Indiana should observe Daylight Time.  The
Indiana Farm Bureau Coop has a couple of fairly lame reasons why we
should remain a hold-out.  However, after speaking with a fellow at the
Farm Bureau who says he's "officially" in favor keeping the status quo
although he, personally, would like to see Indiana change, I can't help but
wonder why the General Assembly hasn't rectified the situation.
     Along with the Chamber of Commerce's reasons for going to Daylight
Time (see story on page 1), there are also some more personal reasons
why we should change.  For the individual who may have relatives in
neighboring states, it is most inconvenient to have to remember
differences in time between Indiana and the other states.  Those states
change time twice per year, so it makes it difficult to remember if they
are with us, behind us, or ahead of us.
     For example, if Aunt Beth lives in Ohio, her clock would read the same
as yours here at home during the winter months, but they would be one
hour ahead of yours in the summer.  Yet, Uncle Buster in Illinois would be
an hour behind you all winter, but would be on the same time as you in the
summer.  At least with Daylight Saving Time, the time differential would
remain fixed throughout the year; once you had it figured out, you'd never
have to recompute your relatives' time difference.
     For us couch potatoes, another reason for switching to Daylight Time is
the fact that "live" network TV shows, such as Saturday Night Live or
awards programs, are not really live here in Indiana.  In order to keep the
program on at the same hour all year, live shows are taped by local
stations and broadcast to the public an hour later.
     I suppose there may be some farmers who would prefer the extra hour
of daylight early in the morning instead of in the evening, but farmers are
a minority -- even in Indiana.  It seems to me that switching to Daylight
Saving Time would benefit the majority of Hoosiers.  Maybe we should
contact our state representatives and tell them it's time to change.

Phone Books -- April 1994
     Have you ever tried to look up the number of a business or government
office in the phone book, only to discover that you really didn't know
where to start looking?  Suppose, for example, you wanted to call the
library to check on a certain book, and then call your kid at school to have
him pick it up on the way home.
     Would you look under "L" for Library, under "W" for Wright-Hageman
Library, or under "E" for Edinburgh Library.  Maybe it's under "P" for Public
Library.  Well, if you live in Edinburgh, look under "E," for Edinburgh Public
Library.  But if you live in Columbus or Hope, look under "L."  People who
move around a lot must be going crazy by now if they call the library
frequently.
     Now try finding the number for the school.  That task could also give
you telephone-directory neurosis.  If you have a child at East Side
Elementary, do you look under "E" for East Side, "S" for School, "E" for
Edinburgh Public Schools, or "P" for Public Schools?  Actually, none of the
above searches would bear fruit.  In Edinburgh, look under "E" for Edinburgh
Community Schools.  But if you then moved to Columbus and had to call the
school there, you might think they would be listed similarly as "Columbus
Community Schools."  You'd be wrong.  Don't even look under "B" for
Bartholomew Consolidated Schools.  Instead, look under "P" for Public
Schools.  If, instead, you moved to Jennings County, or Brownstown, you
would need to look under "S," for Schools.
     Suppose now, you would like to call the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to
find out how much your new license plates will cost.  You look under "B"
for Bureau of Motor Vehicles, and find nothing.  You check under "E" for
Edinburgh License Branch, and still find nothing.  So you cross your fingers
and search under the "A's" for Auto License Branch, but to no avail.  So, in
desperation, you look under "L" in hopes of finding a generic listing for
"License."  There it is, under "License Branch - BMV," for some cities, or
"License Branch - Auto," for others.
     After spending much of the day browsing the phone book, you might
want to call the local phone company to complain about the way they
organize their directory.  But, the dilemma arises yet again!  Do you look
under "P" for Phone Company, "T" for Telephone Company, "I" for Indiana
Bell, or "A" for Ameritech?  Actually, if you looked under "P" or "T,"  you'd
find a cross-reference, telling you to look up "Indiana Bell."  And, believe
it or not, in some of the older phone books, a search under "F" for Fone,
would lead you to a similar cross-reference.  The newer directories leave
that one out.  I guess they figured if you couldn't even spell PHONE, you
probably wouldn't be using the directory anyway.
     So,  you've been directed to the "I" section where you expect to find the
number for the phone company.  After all, the cross-references told you
where to look.  But, looking under "I," for Indiana Bell, you would find
another cross-reference telling you to look under Ameritech!
     I don't know for sure, but I suspect phone companies make directory
searches as difficult as possible on purpose.  Most people probably give up
trying to use them after awhile and just dial 1-411.  Directory assistance
is much faster and easier.  Unfortunately, it is not free.  I'm pretty sure I
spent more on directory assistance last month than I did on long-distance
phone calls!  Maybe I should call the Indiana Utility Regulatory Commission
and lodge a complaint!  Now, let's see, would I look under "I," or maybe
"U"....

Parliamentary Procedure -- May 1994
     Legislative bodies, such as town councils and school boards, generally
are supposed to follow standard parliamentary procedures while
conducting business.  Parliamentary procedures were designed to ensure
that everybody, even the members who are in the minority, have a chance
to voice an opinion.  The rules are also designed to provide for a smooth-
running meeting with efficient use of time.  Lastly, they provide an air of
formality, and a standard protocol which tends to produce more
respectability, and the feeling among members of the public that the board
or council knows what itUs doing.
     I have covered many public meetings for this newspaper since I came
on board.  During all those public meetings, I have had to grit my teeth and
remain quiet about some procedural lapses that, admittedly, mean very
little with regards to outcomes, but which have become a  pet peeve of
mine none the less.
     Large legislative assemblies, or those which generally attract a large
public audience, should take special care to use the correct terminology
and rules of order.  It is not quite so important for smaller bodies, such as
town councils or school boards, to follow each tiny detail of order when
conducting their affairs, but it does tend to show decorum when a member
makes an effort to use correct terminology when speaking before the
elected body.
     So what flagrant violation of protocol has kindled my ire?  Nothing
that would nullify any ordinances or resolutions.  But if a person wishes
to run for legislative office, and if that person ultimately succeeds in his
quest, then I believe he should familiarize himself with the basics of
parliamentary procedures, such as those outlined in RobertUs Rules of
Order.
     For example, when a board member or council member wants to make a
motion, it is not proper procedure to state RI make a motion....S  Rather,
the correct terminology is, RI move....S  Otherwise, it  sounds more like the
proceedings that would take place inside a childUs clubhouse, and is
tantamount to using colloquial grammar while speaking in public.
     Another breech of procedure frequently occurs when all the discussion
regarding the current question takes place before the question becomes an
official motion.  Parliamentary procedure requires that a question be
moved and seconded before the merits of the question can be discussed.
The member who seconds a motion is not bound to ultimately vote in favor
of the motion.  The act of moving and seconding is designed simply to
bring a question before the board to be discussed and, perhaps, acted upon.
     Restraint from protocol glitches may not accomplish anything
substantial, but since my senses accept such informalities with the same
degree of irritation that most people get when they hear fingernails
scratching a chalkboard, adherence to formal procedures would make the
evening more pleasurable for at least one reporter!
     So, now that IUve had my say, I move that I get down off my soapbox and
go back to writing the real news.  Do I hear a second...?

Recycling -- May 1994
      It was inevitable.  The younger staff members here at the office took a
stand this week and put in recycling containers.  Then, they started
forcing us all to sort our waste products.  They even hung signs
everywhere to remind us at each turn not to throw our pop cans in the
waste paper basket or vice versa.
     I still remember the good old days, (actually, only about a week-and-a-
half ago), when "waste paper basket" meant you could throw almost
anything into it, except maybe garbage.  By garbage, I mean left-over food
products that are apt to spoil.  And you could even manage to sneak some
of those in if you wrapped them inside some paper!
     Once, few people thought much about what happened to the trash.  Some
guy in a big truck would come by once a week and would take it all away,
so we didn't have to worry about it anymore.  I always figured he took it to
the dump and left it there.  Actually, when I was very young, I figured he
lived at "the dump."  He had this cool job where he could go out and get all
the stuff people threw away, take it to his yard, dump it all out, and pick
through it to find the best stuff, which he got to keep!  The other stuff he
got to burn up.
     Of course, there are no "dumps" anymore;  they are called landfills now.
And they must obey strict governmental regulations.  There are not as
many dumping places as there once were, either.  But the ones that do
exist are much bigger.  They say that after a landfill has fulfilled its
usefulness, which means it is filled up, they can throw a layer of dirt over
everything, plant some trees and turn it into a park or something.  Just
don't try to dig any wells!
     If we are forced to think about it, it does tend to make sense that the
trash they haul off once a week has to go somewhere.  And those
"somewheres" are limited in number and can only be used once.
     I'm forced to conclude that, despite the hassle, this recycling idea is a
pretty good one.  It means that, instead of dumping things into a landfill,
we get to use it over again -- in another form.
     Recycling is not a new idea.  Nature has been recycling for billions of
years.  Take water, for instance.  There is only a certain amount of water
on the earth, and that amount never really changes.  When it rains, that
isn't "new" water; it is water that was once in the ocean.  It evaporated,
formed clouds, drifted over the land, and started raining.  The rain will
eventually make its way back to the ocean to be recycled.
     Since water is constantly being recycled, and since water molecules
are so small and numerous, it is estimated that every glass of water you
drink has a few molecules of the same water that Isaac Newton or Galileo
drank!  In fact, it is almost certain that with every sip of of water you
drink, there are a few molecules that were once drank by Jesus Christ!
     Nature is the ultimate recycler.  If we are to be children of nature, I
guess we should knuckle under and do the recycling thing, too.  It only
makes sense.  Of course, it would make it much easier if we could put our
recyclables out with the rest of the trash to be picked up once a week!

Typos -- May 1994
[NOTE:  This version of "Typos" did not appear in the printed newspaper.  A
toned-down version replaced this original.]
     All newspapers, and other print media, have their share of
typographical errors.  The TRICOUNTY NEWS is no excepsion.  It's amost
inpossible to catch them all.  The staff is only human and prone to making
erors just like anyone esle.  Contrary to what some people may think, we
DO TRY to keep those nasty typos to a mimimum.
     We received a call one time from an individal who became very irate
that he had found a typo on the font page!  He said it was not the first time
he had found one.  In his attack, he wonderd if any of us even had a high
school diploma!
     Our office manager, who also happens to be a top-notch reproter,
asured him that she had recently gradutated from college with a digree in
journalism.  In fact, two of our staff membres, myself and the publisher,
have master's degrees.
     The caller wans't impressd.  He likened us to the descendants of Nazis,
who he said did not educate there children well.  Then he digressed into a
story about how a kid in his negihborhood carried a knife and continully
got into trouble with the police -- another Nazi derivative, he said.
     Well, I would just like to assure are readers that nobody working at thq
TRICOUNTY NEWS is a Nazi.  We all either have college degrees or are
curently attnding college.  We even have computers eguipped with fancy
spell checkers to help prevent spelling misteakes.  They seem to work
pretty well, but sometimes an error will get thruogh.
     I would aslo like to assure readers that, in the futur, we will try much
harder to catch eech and evry typo before the paper goes to prnit.  Just
keep in mind that errors are bount to happen once in a while.  So please
bare wit us.

Coffee -- June 1994
     Some people may infer from the title of this column that I'm a big
coffee drinker.  (Since I do tend to be on the heavy side, maybe I should say
an avid  coffee drinker!)
     Actually, I do not drink much coffee at all.  As I have already explained
in a previous column, my column title was derived from an old Edinburgh
Daily Courier  column by editor Bill Hale.
     I do drink an occasional cup of decaf, but unlike some people I know, I
do not really need  a morning cup of coffee in order to start my day.  That
might be a little surprising, since I started drinking coffee at a very young
age.
     I remember when I was about five years old, I loved sweetened coffee
with cream.  In fact, there was a concoction that I had to have almost
every morning that consisted of a half cup of coffee, two teaspoons of
sugar, a tad of butter, and a homemade biscuit.  After mixing the coffee
and sugar, I would add a whole biscuit, then break it up into bits inside the
coffee with a spoon.  Then I would top it off with the butter.  Actually, I
still enjoy eating a nice cup of coffee and biscuit once in a while!
     I know, eating coffee and biscuit might sound a little strange to some
folks, but I enjoyed it.  I also liked crumbling crackers in a glass of milk
and eating it; or toast and milk, or even white bread and milk.  They are
especially delicious as a bedtime snack!
     But being hooked on coffee at a young age neither stunted my growth
nor addicted me to the stuff.  As I said, I don't need a cup of coffee every
morning to get going.  So in keeping with the tradition, I allow my children
to enjoy a cup of coffee occasionally.
     My 10-year-old son Aaron and I were sitting in a restaurant in
Greenfield the other day while waiting for the newspapers to be printed.
We both ordered a cup of coffee.  I take mine with cream and one sugar;
Aaron prefers a couple of creams and about three sugars.  The waitress
looked a little surprised and asked him, "Oh, do you drink coffee?"  I told
her he and I both started at a young age.  She replied she had her first cup
at the ripe old age of 20.  Well, it's not like it's an alcoholic beverage.  My
son and I both abstain from those!
     Although Aaron likes to drink coffee once in awhile, and he loves mocha
flavoring in desserts, the biggest coffee lover in the family is my
daughter Shana, age 9.  She started drinking coffee before Aaron did.
     Unfortunately, neither of my children like the taste of butter.  And they
are not big biscuit fans either.  So I guess the coffee-and-biscuit routine
of my childhood will not be passed on.  It's a tragic loss to the upcoming
generations.

Stupid Rules -- June 1994
     There are rules that exist in society that do not seem to make much
sense.  The rules I refer to are restrictive in nature and tend to discourage
or prevent citizens from obtaining as much pleasure as they otherwise
would get out of a certain activity.
     There are many examples of such rules, but the primary rules of
restriction that tend to raise my ire the most are those that prohibit the
free operation of my photographic equipment.
     One of the first incidents that took place as a result of my not being
allowed to take a picture occurred about ten or twelve years ago at the
Greenwood mall.  As a publicity stunt, an Indianapolis radio station had
arranged to pile up $1 million in cash on the floor of the mall.  The money
was heavily guarded and there was a plexiglass cube surrounding it so as
to discourage potential thieves.
     I, along with numerous other shoppers, stood next to the rope that
surrounded the cube of cash, gawking at all that money.  I happened to have
my 35mm camera with me, so I snapped a photo of the mound of dough.
     As though I had just attempted armed robbery, two security guards
approached me and demanded my camera.  I asked them what the problem
was and they told me I was not allowed to photograph the cash;  they
pointed out a sign saying as much, plainly displayed near the cubical.  I
had, over course, seen the sign, but since I felt the prohibition was plainly
stupid, I proceeded to covertly snap the picture.  Unfortunately, it was not
done covertly enough.  I had to relinquish the film that was in my camera
and all the photos that had been taken were lost.  The only lame excuse
given to me was "security reasons."
     A similar incident took place a few years ago at a July 4th concert in
Indianapolis.  Some famous Nashville singing stars were performing on a
rigged stage downtown.  It was on public property, outside.  There was a
huge crowd of people watching the event.
     I had my video camera with me, so I decided to shoot some footage of
the show.  A large security guard with a mean disposition informed me
that I was not to take videos of the show and that if I persisted, I would
have to leave.
     I told him this was a public right-of-way, that I was doing nothing
illegal, and that I should have the right to point my camera in whichever
direction I chose.  He then escorted me over to where an IPD police officer
was standing, near the stage.  The police officer reiterated that I was not
to point my camera toward the stage.  I asked "why not?"  He said because
the performers were playing for free and they requested that no one be
allowed to photograph their act.
     Now, I had seen these same performers on television on numerous
occasions.  If I had wanted to use my VCR to tape them off the air, no
security guard would have been their to stop me.  In fact, the Supreme
Court has issued a "fair use" ruling which states that private individuals
may tape programs for personal use.  The same ruling should apply (and
probably does apply) to camcorders.
     I did manage to record three or four songs.  I hid behind a tree, in front
of a large group of people.  The security guard did finally spot me, but by
the time he wound his way through the crowd to my location, my camera
and I were gone.
     There are many other examples I could cite, such as the restriction on
photography at my son's preschool graduation five years ago, or the fact
that I will not be permitted to video tape my daughter during her dance
recital.  It seems money is to be made selling canned videos to parents.
Personally, I would rather focus on my own kids during a performance.
Canned videos treat all kids equally.
     Thank goodness the camera industry is making use of hi-tech
breakthroughs and are coming out with smaller and smaller camcorders.
It makes it much easier for me to circumvent all the inane "anti-
photography rules" that abound all around us.  One of these days, with my
pocket-sized camcorder clipped to my lapel, I can shoot at will!

TV Top 10 -- June 1994
     My generation was the first one to grow up with television.  I
remember Dad getting our first television, a used black-and-white
portable, sometime during the late 1950's.  I could finally watch cartoons!
     Throughout the '60's, color TV came into vogue.  Many of my friends
were getting new color sets, and I wanted one, too.  Although we begged
Dad to get one for the family, he never could see the advantage to owning a
color set -- since they cost a lot more.
     He did buy us a new TV console with a stereo record player once.  But,
it was black and white also.  Dad was not much of a TV watcher, so I guess
he didn't really care what kind of set we had.  He did start to get quite
interested in television when the "Dukes of Hazzard" came out, though.
     I always thought I would enjoy being a TV critic.  I watch television
quite a bit, (though not as much as I once did, because I now have a
computer to keep me busy).  I always thought critics had the best job in
the world.  After all, they get paid good money just to watch TV shows and
write about them.  I guess the drawback is that you're expected to watch
shows you don't really like as well as the good ones.
     Television has gotten a bad reputation lately.  Many critics call the
period of the late 1950's the "Golden age of television."  That is hogwash.
I've watched some of those shows and find nothing enlightening,
entertaining, or even mildly amusing about the most of them -- including
"I Love Lucy!"  Most of it was slapstick.  Many of today's sitcoms are no
better, but at least they're in color!
     Personally, I think television has a vast potential.  Think about it --
moving pictures of world events can be piped directly into your living
room, live, as they happen.  Television can be used not only to entertain,
but to educate.  And if we're really lucky, we might get to watch a show
that will entertain while it educates!  Granted, some of TV's potential
remains untapped, but it is there.
     Television has been called "a vast wasteland."  I disagree.  And so, here
are my Top Ten Reasons Why Television is Important:
     Reason number 10 -- Television makes a great babysitter for the kids,
and you don't even have to worry about it raiding the refrigerator; Reason
number 9 -- TV's potential as a night light has yet to be exploited fully;
Reason number 8 -- Without television, what would we do with all those
VCR's?; Reason number 7 -- With no television viewers at home, news
anchors may not see the benefit of good grooming habits; Reason number 6
-- Without TV, folks would have to rearrange their living room furniture
so that the chairs would face each other, instead of facing the corner;
Reason number 5 -- Cartoons just would not be the same; Reason number 4
-- Walter Cronkite would never have become "the most trusted man in
America;" Reason number 3 -- Really ugly people could run for president,
and win; Reason number 2 -- Without television, housewives would be
forced to READ "All My Children;"  And the number one reason why
television is important:  I would never have been able to think of this Top
Ten bit without David Letterman!

ATMs -- July 1994
     It has been a while since I got on my soapbox about the lack of an ATM
machine in Edinburgh.  So I figured it was about time to climb back up,
because we still don't have one.
     ATM's, or automatic teller machines, started to gain popularity way
back in the 1970's.  In those days, only the larger banks in big cities had
them.  In the 1980's, smaller banks and branch banks in smaller cities and
towns started adding bank machines.  The drive-thru machines were
especially convenient.
     By the 1990's, almost every bank and branch had an ATM available --
even a few of the smaller institutions.  So why has Edinburgh been left
out?  We have two banks.  One of them is a branch of one of the countries
largest banking institutions.  I'm sure that purchasing an ATM wouldn't be
any more of a hardship to a well-established bank than spending a little
pocket change would be to anyone with a full-time job.
     I have to do most of my banking at an out-of-town bank because of the
fact that we have no ATM in Edinburgh.  The first bank in town to open a
bank machine will probably get my business -- and that amounts to
several hundred dollars a year!  (Now there's an incentive.)
     Those of you who haven't used a bank machine before may wonder what
the big deal is.  But let me tell you, it is a big convenience to be able to
get money from your checking account on a Sunday, or in the evening.
There have been enumerable instances when I've decided to take my family
out for dinner or to a movie and didn't have enough cash on hand.  But a
quick trip to the ATM would fix me right up!
     Bank machines are not rare.  They may be a rather expensive
investment for a bank, but I'm sure they are well worth it, else there
would not be so many of them everywhere except Edinburgh.  There are at
least six ATM's in Franklin -- five of them within two blocks of each
other.  There are two within a mile of each other in the Taylorsville area.
There are at least four within a few city blocks of one another in
Columbus.  So I ask again, why can't somebody put a bank machine in
Edinburgh?
     Okay, that is my ATM rhetoric for this year.  You'll probably hear from
me again next year if we still don't have one -- so stay tuned.  I will now
climb down off my soapbox and go back to scrutinizing the much more
important news of the day -- like watching the O.J. Simpson melee on TV!

Bank Remodeling -- July 1994
     Those readers who read this column frequently (like my mom), may
remember that I spent several column inches a couple of weeks ago
whining about the lack of a bank machine in Edinburgh.  Well, guess what.
That's right, NBD Bank will now be installing one at their Edinburgh
branch!
     Of course, I would personally like to take all the credit for the decision
to install an ATM here in Edinburgh.  In all honesty, however, I can't.
     I received a call from Mr. Jerry Hopkins, the first vice-president of the
NBD branch banks division in Indianapolis.  He said he read the column on
Edinburgh's lack of a bank machine and wholeheartedly agreed there needs
to be one here.  In fact, he said there have been plans to install one ever
since NBD took over the branch from Summit Bank.
     He explained that the delay in installing an ATM was due to the fact
that the bank is going to be totally remodeled.  In fact, NBD will spend
about $160,000 to upgrade the building, inside and out.  "We feel very
strongly about being in the Edinburgh market," said Hopkins.
     Architects and design experts have already been looking at the bank,
and they found some unexpected structural problems that need to be
addressed.  This has created a delay in remodeling.
     Hopkins stated that if he had known that the remodeling analysis was
going to take so long, an ATM would have already been installed.  Instead, a
decision was made to hold off installing an ATM until the remodeling was
begun.
     As it stands, the bids for remodeling will be taken within about a
month.  After that, the remodeling can get underway.  A bank machine will
be installed as part of the remodeling effort.
     The redesigned bank will meet the design specifications for a building
in a downtown historic district, such as Edinburgh.  Hopkins said the bank
would look historically correct, but would also be handicapped accessible
as required by the Americans with Disabilities Act.
     So we are finally going to get our long-awaited ATM.  That is really
good news.  Now, about those outrageous overdraft fees....

Noise -- July 1994
     There are some people who do certain things that tend to annoy other
people.  Most of the time, people get annoyed because someone else has
encroached upon their senses in a negative manner.  For example, if
someone who is talking to you has just eaten sardines and onions, that
could be annoying.
     Each person has his own private space around his body that he does not
like other people to enter into unless invited.  The size of this private
space varies with the person.  Most people are annoyed, for example, if
someone gets right up into their faces to speak, even without the bad
breath.
     It also doesn't necessarily have to be the other person's body that
invades your space.  A non-smoker may feel violated if smoke is blown his
way from a smoker several feet away in the same room.  The smoke
becomes an extension of the smoker.
     In the same way, if a person plays his stereo too loudly, the loud
sounds may violate another person's space.  Just read the police reports
each week for a clue as to the number of people who become annoyed at
other people's loud music.
     I love music, and I play it in my car as well as my home.  I even enjoy
listening to it with the volume up.  But common courtesy dictates that
anyone listening to music should keep the volume low enough so as not to
disturb the people in the next town.
     I felt moved to bring up the subject of noise pollution at this time
because I, myself, have been the victim of other people's obsession with
loud music.  The worst part is, I'm not that fond of the type of music that
is generally boomed around the neighborhood.
     I like a wide variety of music, from country to classical, but I'm picky
about the specific tunes I listen to.  Basically, I like my music to be in
tune, (which eliminates a lot of the country music), and I believe that
music should show some semblance of the intelligence of the lyricist and
composer, (that eliminates much of the remainder of the country music
and every ounce of rap music that was ever created).
     Now, before I offend the country music fans, let me say that a good
deal of country music is very pleasant to listen to.  I especially enjoy
ballads and slow songs.  I also like nice Bluegrass instrumentals.  (If I
have offended rap music fans, well, I don't really care!)
     But those music lovers who insist on pumping every ounce of wattage
they can into giant speakers that sit in the back seats of their cars ought
to realize two important things.  They are damaging their own hearing;
that's a fact.  And that only means that they will need to turn up the stuff
even louder as time goes by.  Secondly, they are being totally insensitive
and rude to everybody who does not care for loud booming noises or
rattling windows.  Unfortunately, those people guilty of noise crimes (yes,
there is an ordinance), and who lack the common courtesy of showing a
little respect for others are the same people who probably lack enough
intelligence to read a newspaper, so they probably won't get the message
here.  Maybe if you know someone like that you could tell them for me!

Smoking -- July 1994
     I was driving by the high school the other day, just as the students
were getting out of class to go home.  What I saw didn't shock me, or even
surprise me.  I was a student at Edinburgh once upon a time, and I've been
in the teaching profession too, so what I saw naturally wouldn't surprise
me; I've seen it too often.
     Nevertheless, it did disgust me.  What I saw was a group of teenage
girls walking down the sidewalk, most of them with a cigarette in their
hand -- puffing away.  I still can't imagine why anyone these days would
make that decision to start smoking.
     And it looks so bad on young people.  It's like wearing a red striped
shirt with plaid pants, or wearing a formal dress and sneakers to the
prom.  It really doesn't matter who else is doing it, or how much it makes
someone feel like they fit in, the fact remains -- it just simply looks bad!
     It looks bad on boys and girls both, but it especially looks bad on girls.
Now, before anyone labels me a sexist or a chauvinist, remember, I did say
it looks bad on boys, too.  But, being a male myself, I tend to judge the
appearance of females with greater acuity than I judge males.
     Now, whether someone looks good or not is more or less a statement of
opinion.  And my opinion counts no more nor less than anyone else's.  But
the facts are clear -- smoking is all of these things:  It is bad for your
health; it's very costly; it's bad for your breath, (kissing a smoker is like
licking an ash tray); it's bad for the health of those around you, and it is
very offensive to many non-smokers that may be in your group.
     I have sat and tried to come up with just one logical reason why anyone
would want to start smoking.  I do understand that people who started
smoking years ago are now addicted and find it difficult or impossible to
quit.  I can't blame any smoker for not quitting, if they've tried and failed.
Both my parents smoked at one time; it was the direct cause of my
father's death, although he stopped smoking many months before he died.
     But I just can't come up with any sensible reason why anyone would
make the decision to start smoking.  And the young people I saw smoking
on the streets today did make that decision to start smoking fairly
recently.
     Is it that they are uninformed?  Not very likely.  They all know the
risks, the costs, and the negative image smoking bestows.  Most probably
started smoking because of peer pressure, but I've never considered going
along with the crowd a good enough reason to do anything.  And I do mean
never.
     So, there is no logical reason for young people to start such a filthy
habit.  A decision to start smoking is truly a stupid decision.  Anyone who
generally reads this column knows that I seldom use a colloquial term
such as "stupid," but I can think of no term that better defines the
decision to start smoking.  It doesn't mean the smokers themselves are
stupid; it does mean they have made at least one stupid decision.
     Tomorrow is the Great American Smokeout.  Maybe, if they're brave
enough to think for themselves, they'll make a not-so-stupid decision to
quit smoking tomorrow.

Computers -- August 1994
     For those of you who are "hackers," the next sentence may seem a bit of
an understatement.  Computers can be fun -- and useful.  With a computer
you can balance your checking account each month, pay bills electronically
so you don't have to write as many checks, keep an inventory of household
items, store the titles to all your video tapes or your CD collection and
search for a specific title in a microsecond, type a letter, check the letter
for spelling errors or grammar, and you never have to use White Out.  You
can look up an unknown work in an electronic dictionary, look up almost
any subject in an electronic CD-ROM encyclopedia that will provide you
the information in an instant with full color and stereo sound; you can
compose and play music, check the ZIP code of any city, plan a vacation,
print out street maps of any town in the country, play the National Anthem
of any country or the state song of any state; you can find out how many
physicians there are in Johnson County or Lansing, Michigan or Anchorage,
Alaska; or find the corn yield for Jackson County, Iowa.  You can play any
kind of game from chess to Pac Man; you can write electronic mail to
friends you've never seen before but talk to regularly while online, or you
can enjoy a quick game of live trivia with ten or twenty strangers from
all over the country.  And those things are just a few of what anyone with
a computer, a modem, and the proper software and peripherals can do.
     On the negative side, computers can break down, so if you've stored
your favorite recipe for apple pie in your database, it can be frustrating if
your hard drive crashes or if lightning has rendered your system useless.
But, everything taken into consideration, a home computer has the
potential of making everyone's life a little simpler.  And it provides an
alternative to TV when it comes to entertainment.  Electronic computers
are, without doubt, one of the most-important inventions of this century.
     Some people feel intimidated by a computer.  They need not feel this
way; you can't break a computer by pushing any button on the keyboard.
Once a computer neophyte gets used to the machine, and learns the
functions, he invariably wonders how he ever got along without one.
     The TRICOUNTY NEWS staff uses computers to write and store the news
items and most of the advertisements that appear in the paper each week.
It's a giant step from the old line-o-type machines of the past, even
though the computers we currently use are old and slow -- you know, the
old coal-burning variety!
     Even so, the TRICOUNTY NEWS has opened up a new avenue of access to
anyone with a computer and a modem.  In addition to being able to write
letters or comments to us via the U.S. mail, by FAX, or by bringing them in
to us in person, readers may now send them to us electronically via
Internet, the so-called information Superhighway.
     So if there is something on your mind that you would like printed in the
paper, or if you just want to praise us for doing well or gripe at us for
doing something wrong, and if you have a computer with a modem, send
your e-mail to:
G.STORIE@GENIE.GEIS.COM
     Letters received at the above electronic mail address will come
directly to the TRICOUNTY NEWS office.  If you want to send a letter or
other comment directly me, you may also use my Internet address:
J.WILSON120@GENIE.GEIS.COM.
     All the most popular computer networks, such as CompuServe, GEnie,
America Online, or Prodigy, allow E-Mail access to the Internet.  If you
subscribe to one of these services, but do not know how to access
Internet, go to your service's customer help area for assistance.  If you
subscribe to GEnie, you may send your electronic mail directly to the
TRICOUNTY NEWS without going through Internet by typing keyword "mail"
and then sending your letter to G.STORIE or J.WILSON120.
     The TRICOUNTY NEWS believes that public input is very important and
invites its readers to become more active in expressing their opinions in
an open forum.  Whether it be through standard mail, FAX, or via the
information superhighway, we invite your opinions.
     Hmmm, I wonder what this button is for....  & F{#0'F

Mackinac Island -- August 1994
     If all goes as planned, my family and I will be at the Straits of
Mackinac by this weekend.  It is one of my favorite places on earth to
visit.
     Our first visit to the region was in 1971.  Dad had recently purchased a
used camper for our small green pickup and we wanted to try it out on a
real vacation.  I had just graduated high school and was pressing hard to
go somewhere on vacation other than Kentucky; we always went there.
     I had the entire trip planned weeks in advance.  We would be taking U.S.
31 through South Bend and Niles, and then follow it along the eastern
shore of Lake Michigan all the way up to Mackinaw City.  None of us had
ever seen the Great Lakes before, so we thought we would get a glimpse of
Lake Michigan along the route.
     Mackinaw City is on the northernmost tip of the lower peninsula, just
before "Might Mac," the longest suspension bridge in the world.  (The
names "Mackinac" and "Mackinaw" are both pronounced the same -- Mack-in-
aw).
     We were a little disappointed to find out that U.S. 31 does not come in
view of the lake anywhere along its route until Traverse City.  But we
didn't get there on the first day.  I had planned to stay at one of the free
state campgrounds, but it was so late when we decided to pull over that
they were all full.  We finally found an RV park and pulled in.  Then it
started to rain.
     The next day, it cleared up and we were on our way.  It was at Traverse
City that we caught our first view of the big lake.  It was fantastic.  After
turning a corner that brought us right up to the shoreline of Grand
Traverse Bay, an arm of Lake Michigan, we stopped our pickup truck on the
curb long enough to snap a picture.  The picture was of nothing particular,
just a couple of trees, the roadway, and in the background, the giant body
of deep blue water.  We immediately fell in love with it.
     We didn't go to "the island" that year.  For one thing, Dad wasn't too
fond of boats.  The ferry ride across the straits was also a bit steep for
our budget.  We had heard that there were no cars or other motorized
vehicles allowed on Mackinac Island.  From the shore of Lake Huron, we
could see a giant white building -- the only man-made structure visible on
the island from our vantage point.  We were told it was the Grand Hotel,
containing the world's longest front porch.
     Dad and Mom took us back at least a couple more times after that first
camping trip; we didn't go to the island either of those times.  But in 1985
I decided I was going to go back up, and with plans to actually stay
overnight on the island at the Grand Hotel!
     It didn't quite work out the way I had hoped, however.  I couldn't
remember the name of the hotel.  I thought, maybe it was the "Mackinac
Hotel."  So I called directory assistance and asked for the number to the
Mackinac Hotel, and the operator gave me one.  So I called to make a
reservation.
     To my pleasant surprise, I found the room rates to be much less than I
had suspected -- less than $50 per night.  I figured, since it was June, it
was still their off-season rate.
     But, when we finally made it, by ferry, to the island, I was a little
surprised by the number of hotels, stores, and restaurants there were on
the island.  I had imagined a more rural setting with one big hotel in the
center.  As it turned out, the Mackinac Hotel was about half a mile out
from the center of town, and it wasn't the hotel I had in mind, although it
was nice.
     It was all for the best.  I learned that the Grand Hotel's rates were
well in excess of $100 per night, which I couldn't afford.  If I had actually
called the Grand Hotel to begin with, I may have canceled my plans
altogether, because I had assumed it was the only hotel on the island!
     The second night, we moved to the Murray Hotel.  It was right
downtown.  We had a great time.  I rented a bicycle and peddled it
completely around the island on the shortest state highway in Michigan --
8.5 miles.  We even rented a horse and buggy for a couple of hours.  The
island has a lot to offer in terms of scenic beauty, and we saw almost
everything.
     The last time we were on the island, my children were too young to
appreciate it.  They don't remember going.  So, I plan to take them.  I hope
their memories of the island will be as fond as mine has been.  Although
we still can't afford the Grand Hotel!

Cable TV -- September 1994
     In the 1950's, television was still something of a novelty.  There were
still many households that did not own even one TV set.  Today, most
households contain at least two sets.  A recent survey revealed that
something like 98-percent of all households in the country contain at
least one television.  My household has four -- one for each person!
     Every once in a while, a product of modern technology comes along that
changes things for everybody.  The radio was one; then the television; then
the computer, etc.  Sometimes, the new technology does not replace an
older one, but simply fills a new nitch.  We still have radio, for example.
At other times, a new technology will completely supplant its
predecessor, like the compact disc did when it replaced vinyl records.
     When movies began appearing on video tape, some motion picture
executives and theater owners thought the trend could mean an end to the
traditional cinema.  That turned out to be an incorrect assumption.  In
fact, some movies are released only on video tape for home use and never
make it to the theaters, but theaters are still thriving -- and so are video
rental stores.
     One technology that might eventually replace the video store, however,
is the pay-per-view movie on cable TV.  I don't mean the kind they
currently have, where a recent film is scheduled for a particular night.
People wanting to watch it need to call the cable company so it will be
descrambled for them.  The latest technology, now being tested in some
California markets, allows subscribers to select the movie they want to
watch at any time and it will be played for them over cable.  So, for
example, if I wanted to watch "The Nightmare Before Christmas" tonight
after dinner, I could just dial it up on my interactive screen and it would
play instantly.  I could select from any movie that would currently be
available in a video store.
     That kind of system is a few years away for most people, but it is
coming.  What might be coming very soon, however, does not require
interactivity.  The technology is available now and has been for years; it
just hasn't been used to its fullest extent.  The local cable company in
Edinburgh has the equipment and the channel space necessary to broadcast
public access programs.  The school has made use of this in their ETV
programming.
     But, beginning later this year, plans are in the works to bring the
residents of Edinburgh every public meeting.  This would include town
council meetings, school board meetings, Chamber of Commerce meetings,
as well as other news-worthy events.
     At first, the meetings will be played back on video tape.  Later, they
may be broadcast live.  And still later, there will come a time when the
meetings will not only be shown live over cable, but viewers will be given
the opportunity to participate by asking question via an interactive
system.  It may be awhile before the interactive system is ready to be put
into place, but the taped broadcasts should begin this year if all goes as
planned.  So, stay tuned.

Learning -- September 1994
     I heard somewhere that by the time a person reaches the age of 25, he
has accumulated pretty much all the knowledge he will use the rest of his
life.  I guess that is how the old cliche "You can't teach an old dog new
tricks" originated.  If the assertion is true that most people accumulate
all their life's knowledge before they reach 30 years old, it would be
extremely sad.
     Obviously, people do learn new things all the time, regardless of their
ages.  It's called experience.  But there's another kind of learning that does
tend to get lost in the shuffle.  How many people seek new knowledge, not
because they need to or because it's a by-product of experience, but just
because they want to learn?
     I find the experience of learning to be exhilarating.  In fact, I make a
conscious effort to learn something new just about every day.  It's not like
my brain is ever going to fill up.  The average human only uses about ten
percent of his brain's capacity anyway.
     It is also not very difficult to learn something.  Watching a
documentary on television or reading the newspaper may provide you with
knowledge you did not possess before.
     The trouble comes not in acquiring new information, but in retaining it
for later use.  Everybody acquires many times more information than is
ultimately retained.  The key to retention is repeated use.
     It makes it easier, however, in that the "use" of knowledge does not
necessarily mean sharing it with others, talking about it, or applying it to
any activity.  You can use knowledge simply by thinking about it and
analyzing it.  It's almost like listening to a great piece of music, over and
over again.  Every time you hear it, you get more enjoyment out of it.
     In a like manner, when a new bit of knowledge seeps into our brains,
we can help to retain that knowledge by thinking about it often; by
analyzing its repercussions, or by mentally applying the new knowledge to
an existing situation.  In that way, our own database of useful knowledge
will continue to grow, and our mental powers won't atrophy quite as fast
with age.  We might even use up some of that extra space in our brains
that's just taking up space in our heads.  A mind really is a terrible thing
to waste.
     So, what have you learned today?

Answering Machines -- October 1994
     Answering machines -- people either love them or hate them.  It can be
a terrific device for those who own one because it doesn't matter so much
if you happen to miss a call.  But that assumes the caller actually bothers
to leave a message!
     On the calling end, they can be rather annoying, because the reason you
call is to speak with a person, not a tape recorder.  But consider the fact
that speaking to a tape recorder is still better than getting nothing but
endless rings.
     There are times when an answering machine is even better than talking
to a real person.  I hate it when I call in sick and feel I must explain
myself to the person on the other end who has already made it to work.  I'd
much rather call before anyone gets there and leave a message on the
machine!
     As an owner of an answering machine, I'm annoyed by people who call
and then don't leave any message at all.  If they thought something was
important enough to call me about, they should at least take a few seconds
to leave their name.
     Thanks to a remarkable little device called Caller ID, I know who has
called me even if they don't leave a message -- assuming it wasn't a long-
distance call.  The device doesn't work for "out of area" calls yet.
Regardless, a short message wouldn't hurt.
     I can understand why people don't like to leave messages.  When I make
a call and get an answering machine, my first instinct is to just hang up.  I
figure if I leave a message, then they will try to call me back at a time
when I'm away, so they would just have to leave a message on my machine.
The cycle could go on ad infinitum.
     A modern twist on the answering machine idea is something called
voice mail.  Basically, voice mail is just an answering machine service
that is supplied by the phone company so you don't have to buy your own.
You just pay a fee every month that is tacked onto your phone bill.
     Being technologically-minded, I've always been rather fond of
answering machines.  I bought my first one back in the mid-1970's when
they cost well over a hundred dollars and there were only a couple of
brand names from which to pick.  The phone company back then wouldn't
even allow you to hook a machine up to their lines unless you paid
something called a "tariff."  So I had to wire it onto the phone jack myself.
     The one I had back then consisted of just a small reel-to-reel tape
recorder to receive incoming messages and a single tape loop for the
outgoing message.  It had none of the bells and whistles that are common
on even the cheapest machines today.  I tossed it out long ago when the
newer models started coming in.
     My first answering machine was much like the one we still use here at
the TRICOUNTY NEWS office.  Come to think of it, that machine looks
amazingly familiar....

Smoke-Free -- October 1994
     Well, our office here at the TRICOUNTY NEWS took another step into the
'90's this week.  We already have been connected to the information
superhighway, Internet, so that people can send us letters composed on
their computers via the modem.  But the step I was referring to has
nothing to do with technology; it is a health trend.
     After expressing only a little ambivalence, my publisher, Gary,
relented and put his stamp of approval on our new smoke-free office.
That's right -- after almost nine years of running a classic smoke-filled
newsroom, complete with cigarette butts in the ashtrays and the smell of
cigar smoke lingering in the air, he decided it was time to modernize.  So,
as of last Monday, we have all been breathing a little easier around here.
     I give Gary a lot of credit, because he loves to chew on the end of a fat,
smelly cigar himself.  So he will have to adjust.  Most of the other
smokers around here took it in stride, as though they had seen it coming.
     Deep down, I believe most smokers wish they had not started smoking.
I just wish the young folks, those in high school or middle school, could
see smoking from a grown-up perspective.  If they could, most wouldn't
even start the filthy habit in the first place.  The only time that it's still
"cool" to smoke seems to be when adolescents gather among their peers.
If only they had the courage, and the individuality, not to give in to the
pressure.
     Many teens say they were not pressured into smoking, but just decided
to start on their own.  They may believe that, but I do not.  Why would
anyone "decide" to start a dangerous and disgusting habit unless they felt
some pressure to do so?
     A person does not have to be actually pressured in order to feel
pressure.  Pressure from peers can be very subtle.  In the end, the result is
still the same.  A new smoker is produced -- a person who is hooked on a
habit just like someone hooked on drugs or alcohol, except that this habit
is not only detrimental to the health of the smoker, it is detrimental to
the health and comfort of innocent bystanders.
     Smokers are doomed to spend their lives throwing money at the
tobacco industry in order to support their habit.  It is money that could be
spent on movies, bowling, concert tickets, sports, groceries, hobbies,
rent, savings, buying toys for their kids (if they have any), or donations to
charity.  They are doomed to live a shorter life span, to have more colds,
and probably to have heart and lung problems.
     If a salesman, even a good one, came up to you and offered to sell you a
shortened life fraught with medical problems for "only" $456.25 per year
for the rest of your life, you would laugh in his face.  Yet, that is what the
average smoker spends per year on cigarettes.
     To those people who have smoked and quit, I offer my congratulations;
they deserve a big pat on the back.  To those smokers who are trying, but
failing, don't give up hope, just look for another way, or try harder.
     This article is not meant to offend anyone, only to offer perspective.
If offense has been taken, perhaps it is because you were forced to see a
side of yourself that you didn't like.  Or, perhaps you don't think I have the
right to instruct others on how to behave.  But I disagree; I believe
everyone has the right to fight against smoking.  People are certainly
welcome to their nasty habits; (food is my weakness).  But when those
nasty habits become dangerous to the health of others, that is where the
right to do it stops.  I welcome a response from anyone who can logically
disagree with me.  For now, though, I am going to just sit here at my desk
and enjoy the fresh air.

Edinburgh -- November 1994
     I have lived in or near Edinburgh for most of my life.  Even when I lived
elsewhere, I visited regularly.  It is my hometown, and when good things
happen to Edinburgh, it makes me proud.
     I was proud that Edinburgh played host to a Congressional candidate
debate.  I enjoy it when Edinburgh is in the lime light.  I was proud when
the streetscape downtown was remodeled.  Town beautification is always
a source of pride.  I was proud when we got the Horizon Outlet Center and
other new developments, such as the factories in the Southern Industrial
Park.  I am enthusiastic about the town's growth and development.  And I'm
proud when the citizens of Edinburgh take an active role in the local
issues, such as when they attend public meetings, candidates' nights,
debates, and school functions.
     I am not proud, however, of the way some people denigrate Edinburgh.
It is bad enough when outsiders poke fun at our town, but when a town's
own citizens put it down, it really is sad.
     By coincidence, just this past week I heard two people claim that their
lives got worse after they moved to Edinburgh.  In both cases, they blamed
the town or its citizens or the Edinburgh police for the bad things that
have happened to them since moving to town.
     A person's life can be influenced for good or for bad by the people with
whom they associate.  Bad associations can happen anywhere, not just in
Edinburgh.  And in most cases, the people who seek to blame others are at
fault themselves for the trouble they have in their lives.  The town they
live in becomes an easy scapegoat.
     As another citizen who is proud to live in Edinburgh told me, there is
no fence around Edinburgh keeping everybody in.  If someone doesn't like it
here, they are free to move.  Hopefully, however, instead of moving, they
will help to change what is wrong, while praising what is right with their
town.  A positive attitude works wonders.

Turkey Top 10 -- November 1994
     I always look forward to the week following Thanksgiving -- almost as
much as I look forward to the holiday itself.  In addition to the newly-
rediscovered holiday cheer, the increasing deployment of Christmas lights
and decorations, and the general briskness of the atmosphere, there is
also the left-over turkey!
     Over the course of more than 40 Thanksgivings, I have learned that
there are two incompatible categories of people with respect to their
dining preferences -- those who love turkey, and those who hate it.  It am
a proud member of the former; I love turkey in all its forms, especially
the dark meat.
     My favorite piece of the turkey, and one which I usually manage to
obtain for myself because nobody else seems to like it, is the gizzard.  If
the turkey is cooked long and slowly, the gizzard becomes nice and tender.
Too often, giblets are relegated to the job of producing gravy; I prefer to
eat them outright.
     But, after the feast is over, there are usually stacks of leftover turkey
that can be chomped on all week.  People use their imaginations to come
up with all sorts of variations on menus that use turkey as their prime
ingredient.  There is turkey salad, turkey sandwiches, turkey pot pies,
turkey casseroles, even turkey omelettes!
     As a public service, our vast investigative staff here at the TRICOUNTY
NEWS, has come up with ten new ways to use that leftover turkey.  So I am
proud to now offer my Top Ten List of Ways to Use Turkey Leftovers:
     Number 10 -- Shred the meat along the grain and let it dry.  You can use
the long fibrous strands as confetti at your next birthday party.  Number 9
-- Use leftover giblet gravy to glue the turkey meat together into a large
ball.  You can keep adding meat every year to eventually produce the
world's largest turkey ball.  Number 8 -- Use the leftover turkey neck as a
hook for hanging plants.  Number 7 -- Put your leftover turkey outside in
the open yard.  Next time it rains, it will drown.  Number 6 -- Slide a slice
of white meat underneath that short leg of the refrigerator to make it
level.  Number 5 -- If you own a cat, you can use the leftover liver as a
kitty play toy.  Number 4 -- If you're still hungry for a turkey snack, but
crave something different, you can chop up the dark meat into small
pieces and use them to make turkey-chip cookies.  Number 3 -- Use any
leftover slabs of white meat to satisfy that urge to whittle.  Number 2 --
Turkey meat makes terrific stocking stuffers.  And the number 1 way to
use turkey leftovers -- Turkey-meat collectibles!

Theater -- November 1994
     I did something a little different last weekend.  My wife and I went out
and dined in a fine restaurant; I had the chicken cordon bleu.  Later, we
took a stroll down the street to the theater district to catch a live play.
It was thoroughly enjoying.
     No, I didn't trot out to New York City over the weekend.  I didn't even go
to Indianapolis.  I stayed right here in Edinburgh.
     Edinburgh may not be the entertainment mecca of Central Indiana, but
if you were to ask anyone where to go for an evening of dinner theater,
Edinburgh would probably not even be on their back-up list.  Yet a
considerable crowd of local gentry took advantage of the opportunity last
Friday night.  I personally opted for the unique ambience of the Old Towne
Inn.  It is nice to be able to partake of the niceties without leaving town;
it's even nicer when you have a choice!
     The food was good and the play itself was terrific.  The production was
John Patrick's comedy, A Barrel Full of Pennies, directed by Barbara
Pierse.
     It was about a New York cab driver named Adonis Samaritan and his
rather strange "family."  It seems Adonis is so compassionate, that every
animal (or human) he finds injured on the street, (or whom he runs over
with his cab), he brings home with him.  His house is full of dogs, pigeons,
a constipated canary, even a duck he keeps in the bath tub.
     His daughter, who is in her 20's, yearns to escape the abnormal
household conditions by marrying a coworker.  She is head-over-heals in
love with him, or so she thinks, even though he is a mommy's boy and
wears a bad toupee.
     After her "boyfriend" runs off and marries another woman, she
eventually falls in love with an eccentric, unemployed folk singer bent on
suicide and self-pitty.  He was brought home by Adonis after being injured
while he attempted to rob Adonis using a water pistol.
     It was fun, and funny.  The cast did an excellent job, it was obvious
they had as much fun with it as the audience did.  Dave Vinson was
convincing as Adonis.  Jane Huber was equally competent as Adonis' wife,
Mina.  And Joretta Grass did a respectable job of playing the part of
"Cousin" Lou.
     Jennifer Garrett was very believable as the daughter, Alicia.  Al Miller
played Uncle Nemo, who spent the vast majority of the time standing rigid
in the corner, staring off into space.  Not really a relative, he was struck
by Adonis some 30 years before, and could say nothing but "Peace on Earth"
while standing in place ever since.  A fall down the steps to the basement
near the end of the play brings back his memories.  Miller did a remarkable
job of keeping a straight face while he was being "shaved" by the folk
singer, played by Jeff Brodie.
     Brodie got most of the laughs, partly by design.  His character had most
of the funniest lines, while the other cast members mostly played it
straight.  In addition, however, Brodie's delivery and timing were right on
the mark; he did an excellent job.
     The audience response was quite positive, with impromptu chuckles
that occasionally waxed into uproarious laughter.  The play was well-
attended, especially for Friday evening's performance.  The ACT I Theater,
which seats approximately 100, was nearly full.  It was two-thirds to
three-quarters full for the other two performances.  The good attendance
shows that Edinburgh residents do respond well to classy entertainment.  I
can't wait until the next production!

Contests -- December 1994
    There are all kinds of contests out there.  Some are legitimate; some
are scams.  Unfortunately, sometimes it is hard to tell the difference.
     For me, one good way to tell the difference is that, if I win, it must be
a scam.  I don't recall ever winning any legitimate drawings, raffles, or
sweepstakes.  Oh, once, when I was 12, I won a cake in a cake-walk.  I
guess if that's the only thing I can remember winning legitimately, I
really must never have one anything of value, else I surely would
remember that, too.
     My wife likes to enter contests.  Every time there is an entry blank to
fill out, she is quick to get her name on it.  "It you don't enter, you can't
win," she always says.  Yes, but with the odds of winning something
legitimate stacked highly against you, there's not much incentive to
bother with filling out a form.  But she does it anyway.
     Well, last week, she got a call saying she had won a free bicycle and a
dinner at a nice restaurant for four couples.  She had entered her name in a
drawing at K-Mart in Columbus.  There was a 10-speed bicycle on display
and the sign said "Win a bicycle and a free dinner."   She was so excited
when she found out she had won, she called me at work to tell me about it.
     I was immediately skeptical.  "What do we have to buy?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said.  It was legitimate; there were no catches, she told me.
"We'll see," I replied.
     My first clue that something was not quite above-board was the fact
that the dinner we got for free was to take place at a particular time on a
certain date.  If we had won a legitimate free meal, surely we could have
picked our own time to eat.
     The next clue, which pretty much confirmed my fears that we really
had not "won" anything, came in the letter we got from the company that
had sponsored this drawing.  Enclosed in the letter were four "tickets" to
dinner at the restaurant, along with directions on what we must do to
claim our "prize."  We had to invite not just three other couples, but the
couples had to be married and at least one of them had to have a job.  We
were also told that, after we ate, we would be "treated" to a program on
home fire safety.
     I, of course, realized that we would have to sit through a sales
demonstration, probably on fire alarms.  But, I figured if I got a free meal
and a 10-speed bicycle out of it, it would still be worth the time.
     When we arrived at the restaurant, we found the banquet room filled
with other "winners."  The dinner was good (although the broiled chicken
was a little rare).  Then, a friendly fellow who said he used to be a
firefighter showed us some slides on fire safety.  His little speech, along
with the slides, were meant to evoke strong emotions.  They were very
effective in doing just that.
     For example, one slide showed a bed, covered with soot, except in the
location where a small child had been lying.  She had died of asphyxiation
caused by a small fire in her room.  There were also some slides of burn
victims.  Thankfully, he waited until after dinner to show us those.
     Afterward, everyone was asked to fill out a form with the date and
time that a representative could stop by our homes to "see if we had any
questions and to show us some products."
     A couple of questions does spring to mind:  If our host had been solely
interested in combating the home fire problem as he so seriously claimed,
then why doesn't he or his company provide these information sessions to
everyone, not just couples with good jobs?  Secondly, if the fire
protection products his company is hawking are so effective in saving
lives, why aren't they mass-produced and sold at K-Mart or Wal-Mart or
Sears?  That would bring the $2000 price tag down to within reason and
allow everyone a chance to purchase one -- not just the "lucky winners" of
a so-called contest.  After all, shouldn't everyone, regardless of
socioeconomic status, be given an opportunity to protect their homes from
fires?  And third, a comment -- It really irritated me that a company
would use such emotionally-charged images and scare tactics, using
slides of real fire victims, with the motivation of making a huge profit
off those people who were gullible enough to be persuaded by the program.
     Home fire safety is important.  I will go on record as advocating the
use of smoke detectors, or even heat detectors to warn residents of a fire.
But I will not play into the hands of a company that uses these kinds of
tactics to sell their wears.
     And, by the way, the bicycle we got -- it wasn't a 10-speed.